Atomic Batteries To Power, Engage Hyper Speed

Happy birthday, Hyper Lad!

Today’s the big day for him, the day he moves deeper into the teens. Even though he’s only been a teenager for a year, he’s already moving well along the Path To Puberty! His voice keeps cracking every time he speaks, mostly trending deeper and deeper, but still hilariously high on occasion.

He’s learned to sleep late. Well, later.

For the first twelve years of his life, Hyper Lad would get up with the sun so he could get out and get moving. He didn’t want to miss anything. He figured all the really great stuff was happening only after he’d been asleep for a while. He wasn’t wrong. Still, it was annoying to want to sleep late, but find a somewhat bored Hyper Lad shaking my shoulder and wondering if I wanted to go do something now that it was light.

That was, however, for the first twelve years of his life. I kid you dudes not, but the first day that he was thirteen, his first day as a teenager, he slept until noon. He’s been like that ever since, for the past year. Not sure why he suddenly decided it would be fun to get dynamited out of bed by an increasingly irate father every single morning, but he did. And, of course, like every other new teen, he’s now advocating for a much later bedtime.

So far, he’s had it pretty easy. But he’s about to run into the bedtime buzz saw that his older brother, Zippy the College Boy, did. Zippy the Monkey Boy loved to sleep late and would constantly slip back to bed on school mornings and have to be yelled out of bed. Constantly. And he would constantly say he was too old to have a bed time. Constantly. And I got to tell him the same thing over and over and over: If you can’t get up on time, on your own, then you’re probably too tired so you’re going to bed early.

Eventually, after more than a year and a half, Zippy the Monkey Boy finally got the message and, for his senior year, actually got up on his own the entire time. Except for one or two accidental overslept mornings. Now it’s Hyper Lad’s turn.

Won’t that be fun?

I’m not really looking forward to this seemingly inevitable confrontation. For some reason, he and I have always had a relatively easygoing relationship. He’s done what he’s supposed to do, I haven’t had to yell. I’ve let him get away with with a few things when it wasn’t all that important. It’s worked out rather well.

Not this sleep thing, though. I can feel this one is going to lead to some harsh feelings, dudes.

I just have to remember, this is the little dude who I dragged from his womb. I was the first person to see him, standing between his mother’s knees, my own shaking; gowned and gloved and realizing that I was nowhere near prepared for what was about to happen.

But it worked. I pulled him free, smiled into his shocked face, wiped a bit of the gunk away and then handed him to his mother. Mine was the first face he saw. Poor little dude. At least the rest of his life couldn’t help but go up from there.

Things certainly have changed since then. For one thing, he likes to go out and shoot people on his birthday now, as opposed to playing with toy trucks in the back yard. By that, I mean he has gone to paint ball for the last two birthdays. I always get shot at close ranger during those events. Small price to pay, I guess.

One other thing that’s changed lately is that we can’t actually call his birthday buddy today. He was born on the same day as my maternal grandmother. They were birthday buddies and it always tickled his great-grandmother to share that special day. Now that she’s passed, the day belongs to Hyper Lad alone. Sensitive young dude that he is, he always lets me and my dad know that he misses talking to that great lady on her birthday.

So, yeah, there are bound to be some changes and some conflicts as Hyper Lad moves deeper into the teen years. But, all in all, he’s a pretty spectacularly good kid. It’s going to be worth the effort. He’s going to be worth the effort.

Happy birthday, Hyper Lad. Here’s to you. We’ll cheer as you rocket into the future.

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