Eyes blinded by the scouring soil, it’s sharp claws stab into the unforgiving belly of earth stretched out before it.
Slowly, painstakingly, the creature moves ever-closer to the bright and warm above it, seeking sustenance, the warm ichor and crunchy chitin of its prey.
It cannot be stopped, this invader, and it leaves behind a trap for the unwary, for the unobservant among us. Humans, too, fall victim to this hideous . . . Invader from beneath!
To, to sum up, what’s up with all the moles around Charlotte these days?
It’s really starting to get on my nerves. At first, I thought it only was something that was happening in my yard. Whenever I’d walk outside, I’d sink ankle deep in the mole tracks that seemed to cris-cross everywhere underneath the rapidly fading grass in the front yard.
I still remember the visceral thrill I got when, upon exiting the house one morning to walk Buzz, the garbage disposal that walks like a dog, and saw the leading edge of a mole trail and it was. . . twitching! I’m not proud of what happened next.
I jumped up and down on that thing like I was trying to win a weasel stomping contest. (Weird Al joke there) On that same walk, Buzz and I came across a mole above ground. Yeah, that dark blur top left is the walking garbage disposal.
After I calmed down, I went out and purchased a sonic stake that I drove into the ground and let send out pulses of ultrasound to drive away the moles. It worked.
But what about the rest of the city?
It seems everywhere I go, if I step on the grass, my feet start sinking into the freshly turned earth, left behind by the moles as they crawl through the ground, searching out insects and tasty roots to slake their eternal, appalling hunger.
Seriously, where are they all coming from? Is this something that’s happening everywhere or only in Charlotte? Or only here in south Charlotte, where I live?
I’m thinking it has something to do with human-caused catastrophic global climate change. With warmer winters, the bugs and such in the soil don’t die off and that leaves even more food for the moles.
These things need to be eradicated. They are horrors from the underworld, climbing toward the air and the light, and they must be destroyed!Share on Facebook Tags: A Dude's Guide to Life, ankle, belly, Blur, bugs, Buzz, charlotte, Chitin, Climate Change, Cris Cross, Crunchy, dude, Exiting, food, Front Yard, Garbage Disposal, Global Climate Change, Horror, Hunger, Insects, Leading Edge, Mole, Moles, Nerves, pain, Prey, Pulses, Scouring, South Charlotte, Stab, Sustenance, Twitch, Ultrasound, Visceral Thrill, Weasel, Weasel Stomping, Weird Al