Way back when. . .
I was in college and, by golly, I was a man, an all-growed-up man. No question about it. And because I was a man (and I was a man, make no mistake) I was going to look like a man.
I grew out my hair. (Ah, the good ole days when that was a possibility instead of wish fulfillment.) I grew some truly hideous facial hair that I thought was fantastic.
And I got my ear pierced. My left ear. Because that’s the way it was done where I come from. Men, if you were men and loved the ladies like I did, only got their ears pierced on the left side. The other side meant you were batting for the other team, if you know what I mean.
Basically I was young and dumb and thought if I wore an earring on my right ear it would advertise that I was gay. *in best falsetto voice* Oh, noes! Not that! *back to regular voice* Hey, dudes, I said I was young and dumb.
I went out and got my ear pierced because I was a man. I was an adult. I could do what I wanted. And I did. Right up until my grandparents, who lived relatively close by, asked me to come over for dinner.
At which point, I panicked. I’d just pierced my ear so I couldn’t take it out because the hole would close over instantly. (Again, young and dumb.) So I went out and purchased some (certainly not racist) flesh-colored bandages. I cut off the sticky part and then carefully applied it to cover said earring.
I have great grandparents. They actually went along with the gag. I pretended they couldn’t tell and they pretended I wasn’t an idiot. After my dinner, they called my mom and asked, “Why was he covering up his earring with that band aid?”
Apparently I was old enough to go ahead and get my ear pierced without anyone in my family hierarchy freaking right the frack out. Yay for me.
Okay. I told you that story so I could ask you this question: What if I’d been in high school? Middle school? Elementary? What if I’d wanted a tattoo instead of an earring?
What if I ran out of room today and had to come back tomorrow to answer these questions?
I guess we’ll find out tomorrow.Share on Facebook Tags: A Dude's Guide to Kids, A Dude's Guide to Life, Adult, Band Aid, Bandages, college, dude, Earring, Ears, facial hair, Falsetto, Family Hierarchy, Flesh, Frack, Gag, Good Ole Days, Grandparents, Left Ear, love, men, Mistake, mom, Oh Noes, richard, school, Tattoo, Wish Fulfillment, Yay