Today’s the day, dudes. This. Is. SPARTA! Halloween!
I know you’re all busy getting ready to head out, but take a few minutes here to remember a couple of important bits about Halloween.
1. It’s supposed to be fun for the young dudes.
2. Us old farts getting a few big laughs out of scaring young dudes into wet costumes. . . Well, that’s just a plus.
3. Make sure you’re walking your young dudes or dudettes around the neighborhood. Nobody likes a parent who drives up, kicks the kids out of the car and then stays inside the warm vehicle.
4. That said, if you’re going to be driving, make sure you keep the inside warm and the lights on. Also? Drive very slowly. Young dudes and dudettes all costumed out and hopped up on sugar and the disguise rush are not the most thoughtful beings in the world.
5. Trick or beer. It works. Sometimes. When it does, it’s worth all the strange looks you get at the doors when you ask.
6. An iron-clad rule in our house is parents get to dig around in the treat bag at some point during the festivities. I’ve found that it usually works out best later in the night when the bag gets heavier and I can offer to hold it for a while.
7. Dress up when you go out with your kids. Even if it’s only a domino mask or something lame like that. Get into the spirit (no pun intended) of the night.
8. Dressing up as a sexy bag of potato chips (no, not really kidding) isn’t a costume. It’s a cry for help. Get some.
9. Make sure you all enjoy yourselves. It’s a long 364 days until the next Halloween.
This is a video that’s been out for a while, but I thought I’d let you dudes take a look at it for yourselves.
If only so I get an excuse to watch it myself again. See, I tried to read the Twilight series, if only so I could laugh about it and make fun of it more knowledgeably. You see, She Who Must Be Made Fun Of Once In A Very Long While, actually loves that series of books. While I try to be encouraging when it comes to her being able to read something outside of her work, this is just, well, wrong.
The biggest day of the year so far is coming up and I am ready. Yes, it’s Halloween and I’ve finally got my costume together.
I know I’d talked previously about going as something conceptual (a Freudian slip or similar), but I changed my mind in Walmart the other day. That’s when I saw the mullet wig. It’s wonderful. With a classy, bushy front piece (all business in the front) and a long, disgustingly long, tail in the back (party in the rear), it’s really the platonic ideal of a mullet.
I saw that mullet wig and couldn’t pass it up. For some reason, I seem to have a fascination with wigs. Maybe it’s because my own hair is mostly absent, on an extended leave somewhere in the Bahamas, searching for the perfect drink and the perfect mate. What can I say? My hair decided I was boring and headed off to look for adventure. I’ve learned to live with it.
Anyway, I decided then and there what I was going to be. I grabbed some sparkly make up, a grungy plaid shirt and some vampire teeth. You know it. I’m going as Edward from Twilight. Edward, that is, if he really did live in the woods of the Pacific Northwest.
Hey, anything I can do to make fun of Twilight has got to be fun.
It’s kind of sad, though. Only Hyper Lad, the youngest of our young dudes, is going out trick or treating. And he’s dressed as John Rambo. I know, an 11-year-old dressed as an action star from when his father was a young dude. We need iconic new action stars. I tried to talk him into going as Jason Statham, but Hyper Lad didn’t want to shave his head.
Neither of the two older young dudes, Sarcasmo or Zippy the Monkey Boy, are going out. No big parties. No walking the streets to scare the little ones out of their candy. They’re moving on.