Today is Memorial Day here in the United States. It’s a day we set aside to honor those members of the military who died during their service.
And also barbecue. But mostly the remembrance.
The holiday was first enacted to honor the Union war dead following the American Civil War, but was expanded to include all members of the military following World War I.
Especially with what’s going on in Afghanistan and Iraq these days, why not take a little time away from the grill today and head out to your local Memorial Day parade or gathering? It’s a good idea to show how much we appreciate all those who gave their lives to make sure we could still make an ass of ourselves in public.
Not one of the most well-known freedoms, but one which I’ve been known to indulge in quite often so I appreciate it.
In all seriousness, a big thank you to every single member of the armed forces who’s out there right now, putting themselves in harms way. You dudes and dudettes are much appreciated.
For most dudes, getting to see a vagina has been something of a holy quest since they hit puberty. Well, if you’ve got a little dudette, you’re going to be seeing a lot of that in the years to come, but it’s going to be a completely different experience.
And, boy is it going to feel strange. No question about that.
You’re going to have to become intimately familiar with your daughter’s vagina, labia and butt. Just because she’s a girl, doesn’t mean you won’t have to change her. And when you change her, you’re going to have to look closely and make sure she is really, really clean.
Because pee comes out a lot closer to everything else on a girl, they’re more likely to get urinary tract infections if they don’t stay clean and, dude, that’s your job.
When you change your daughter, you will have to remember all the stuff we just wrote about changing a boy. Because we’re basically lazy bums, we’re not going to retype that bit. Just go up there and read it, all right?
There. That wasn’t so hard, was it?
So, now that you’ve got a basic idea, let’s get into where it gets different. For starters, no matter if it’s a poopy diaper or just a wet diaper, you always have to wipe from the front to the back. That is, you need to start at the top of her labia and wipe down past her anus. The reason for this is because you don’t want any particles of poop to get into her vagina, where it can more easily cause an infection.
You’ve also got to make sure you really clean all the nooks and crannies down there. Most babies are pretty roly-poly and have rolls of fat along their legs and butts. When you hold up their legs, that fat will bunch up. On girls, who already have more canyons than peaks, it’s especially important that you spread apart all the little fat rolls and wipe them down (going front to back, remember?) thoroughly.
Letting any of the nooks or crannies stay dirty is a sure path to possible infection and definite diaper rash. But we’ll leave that tiny horror until next week, when we continue our tour of baby poop. Who says we never talk about anything fun anymore?