by Richard
People who eat only vegetables (who are truly missing out on all the benefits of being at the top of the food chain) are called vegetarians. People who eat only meat are called carnivores. People who eat meat and vegetables are omnivores. People who eat only air, aside from being dead, are called breatharians (No, seriously. Look it up.). People who eat only candy are called Paul Rudnick. And again: No, seriously.
At 51, Rudnick has, he says, hardly touched a vegetable for most of his life and weighs only 150 lbs on his 5-foot-10-inch frame. A man who says he doesn’t even eat meals so much as graze throughout the day, Rudnick dines on Yodels, Hershey’s Kisses and handfuls of dry cereal.
“People always assume I’m lying,” said Mr. Rudnick earlier this month in his West Village apartment packed from ceiling to floor with Gothic ornamentation. “They always say: ‘That can’t be true. You’d be dead. Or huge.’ ”
But as Mr. Rudnick insisted (as he does in “I Shudder,” a collection of short pieces ranging from recollections to screeds), he is not dissembling or diseased. “There was never a time when I was not refined-sugar-centric,” he said flatly. “I was always appalled by almost all other foods; I could not understand why anyone wanted them. I did not like the taste, the smell, the concept.”
Makes me feel like I had it easy when I couldn’t get my little dudes to eat green beans. At least they’ll take some vitamin supplements and will enjoy different vegetables and meats. I can’t imagine what it would be like in our household if I had two little dudes eating regularly and one little dude eating only candy throughout the day. Yeah, it would probably be pretty ugly.
This is a dude who’s favorite vacation destination would have to be Hershey, PA. I’m not sure if I could keep up with him and I ate myself into a sugar coma recently.
Truly this is a very strange world.
Tags: A Dude's Guide to Cooking, A Dude's Guide to Kids, Candy, Candyman, Carnivores, Dry Cereal, dude, Dude's, eat, eating, food, Freak, Freaky Friday, Freaky People, Gothic Ornamentation, Green Beans, Handfuls, Hershey, Hershey Pa, Inch Frame, Kisses, little dude, little dudes, Man, men, Paul Rudnick, recipe, Recipes, Recollections, richard, Short Pieces, smell, Strange World, Top Of The Food Chain, Ugly, Vacation Destination, Vegetarians, Vitamin Supplements
