Freaky Friday: The Mist

by Richard

I hate needles, most especially the needles designed to jab into me and deliver some kind of medicine. At times, I’m almost convinced I’d rather have the disease than the preventative. I’m perfectly fine, of course, with letting doctors jab my little dudes with needles. It’s just my own precious bodily fluids I want to keep intact.

So it was with great interest that I’ve watched the development of the newest flu vaccine, FluMist. This delivers a live, attenuated influenza vaccine to you when you snort it up your nose. That, I thought, was for me.

Only, my thinking something apparently doesn’t make it true. (More’s the pity, considering how much time I spend thinking about her wearing. . . Ah, never mind.) Just as I was about to head out to the doctor’s office to get my misty little shot of screw-you-flu goodness, I had to read this.

Apparently, the flu shot is 50 percent more effective than the FluMist is in keeping the flu away from adults. Of course, I thought I was exempt, but they were talking about body age, not mental age, so they had me there. The researchers who came up with that were talking about the regular flu, not the swine flu. That would require a different vaccine.

Once I read that, I knew that I would be doing what I do every flu season. Getting the shot. Worse still, I get the shot from my wife, known to me as She Who Really Gets Too Much Pleasure Out Of This Sort Of Thing, who’s a doctor. She buys the flu shots from her practice, brings them home and then takes her turn, as she says, sticking it to me for a change. I have no idea what she’s talking about.

Still, I did get to have some fun with the vaccine mist delivery. I took all three little dudes to the pediatrician, who is Barry’s lovely and talented wife, and got them to take the flu mist. They came out into the waiting room snorting and sniffing like bathroom attendants during Studio 54’s heyday. I started laughing. I sidled up to them and started talking out of the side of my mouth to them.

“Sniff it up, boys. First hit’s for free.”

I had a couple of mothers turn around and stare at me. I shrugged.

“I’ve raised a house full of cocaine addicts. I’m so ashamed.”

The series of arm punches that earned me was well worth it.

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