The other day, I was flipping through the glory that is a digital storage vault of older photos and I happened to notice something: While Sarcasmo and Zippy the Monkey Boy both show up in photos, it’s Speed Racer who hogs the spotlight and seems to thrive in the bright lights. I mean, turn a camera on when you’re anywhere near him and — suddenly — he’s there performing some sort of action guaranteed to get him on film.
He’s a lens pig, no doubt about it.
Unfortunately, I know I can’t really blame him. See, I’m pretty sure he inherited it. From, oddly enough, me. I say this because my parents were laughing at me the other day because something reminded them of my star turn when I was a bit younger than Speed.
When I was a really young dude, I decided that I had to take tumbling. Although, really, doesn’t everybody do that when they’re young? No? Oh well.
Anyway, at the end of the tumbling class, we were to have a big performance to which all the parents were invited. Imagine a piano recital, only without the ear bleeding and associated sonic-induced nausea. And about that level of competence.
All of us little dudes and dudettes were out on the stage performing our hearts out and doing, well, whatever it is that little dudes and dudettes do during tumbling events.
What I know is this: The coach didn’t appreciate my genius. I say this because I felt that I didn’t have enough stage time to show off what I’d learned and all those moves I’d made up on my own. I decided to take matters into my own hands. Or rather, my hands, feet and legs and suchlike.
Our group had left the stage and the coach had climbed back on, getting ready to introduce the next group. Suddenly, from off stage the parents could hear a commotion. At which point, I made my move.
I dove out on stage and started doing somersaults ‘cross the floor. I rolled and rolled and rolled all the way across the stage behind the coach as she droned on about the other group, totally ignoring my amazing performance. Until, that is, the laughter of the parents caused her to look behind her. At the other end of the stage, I stopped rolling, stood up, shook my head to stop being so dizzy and then staggered off stage, expecting only cheers and hearing only laughter as the assistant coach ran out and hauled me back behind the curtain.
So, yeah, I think I know where Speed’s coming from. Only, the thing is, he’s so much better at it than I am. Another example of the student teaching the master.
– Richard
Tags: A Dude's Guide to Life, Bright Lights, Cartwheels, coach, Commotion, Competence, Digital Storage, dude, Dudette, Dudettes, Genius, Hearts, Hogs, laughing, laughter, little dude, little dudes, Man, Monkey Boy, Nausea, No Doubt, photo, Photos, Piano Recital, Pig, richard, sarcasm, Sarcasmo, Somersaults, Speed Racer, spotlight, Stage Time, Star Turn, Storage Vault