Another One Hits The Dust

In our continuing efforts to make Christmas another adventure, it seems as if our family might have gone a bit too far. Especially in that we seem to have made lumberjacking a family tradition. That is, once again, our Christmas tree and all the decorations on it has crashed to the ground.

This picture was taken right after I and my wife, known to me that night as Oh, Lord She’s Coming I’d Better Run, spent an hour holding the tree upright and picking off all the ornaments. Which happened right after the tree began listing and then toppled over on my wife, known to me then as Damn She Looks Angry.

All that was missing was a miniature lumberjack crouched near the base of the tree, clutching a very sharp axe and yelling, “Tiiiiiiiimmmbbeeerrrrr!”

This marks the third time in three years our tree has fallen over. Two years ago, the tree fell twice and we got a new stand for it. Everything was great. The stand was wonderful last year. This year? A different story. Now we’ve got another new stand, the tree is back up and I’m reduced to sitting here staring at the tree willing it to stay upright.

Of course, I blame the little dudes for this latest incident. (My motto: I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.) My oldest little dude kept talking about the other times the tree fell over, which everyone knows is just asking for trouble. My youngest little dude spent most of the past two nights putting ornaments on the tree. I suspect he put too many on one side.

Now I’m asking for your help. Yes, you. I want everyone to think good thoughts about our tree, standing tall and proud, erect, hard, tumescent. . . (You know what? I think I might have slipped into something else there for a minute.) A little help couldn’t hurt, especially considering my eyeballs are starting to hurt from all the staring.

– Richard

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