Let me tell you, that blog over at coldsores.com has some of the best posts I’ve seen in my many years of writing. I don’t care that they haven’t put up anything new in several weeks, they’re going to be tough to beat in any competition. . . Ah, coachspeak. Where every opponent is the best you’ve ever played against and your team that has steamrolled through the season is weak and suspect.
Having played football through high school, I did manage to get exposed to my fair share of the. . . unique insights available to football coaches. (I’m thinking a lot of them who coached my generation were playing without helmets for a bit too long.) I still remember the head coach of my junior high football team. Coach Keith liked to parade around in sneakers and shorts in the summer and in the winter. Lots of brainpower there, I’m guessing.
One of my favorite coachspeak expressions has always been “There’s no I in team” to which I’d always mumble, “but there is a me.” Of course, what they wanted was for you to take away that you should be playing for team glory, not the individual.
Remember, these men are supposed to be molding young dudes into fine, upstanding older dudes. I talked to my dad, who played football for the Florida Gators, as well as Barry and a few others and these are the best bits of coachspeak advice we could come up with. And, of course, by best I mean worst.
Rub some dirt on it, you’ll be fine.
When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
Call on a mule, he kicks. Call on a thoroughbred, he runs.
Kick the tires and light the fires.
Don’t think; react.
Hit anything standing.
If it does not kill you it will make you stronger
Duct tape can fix anything
I don’t care how much it hurts, the team needs you
Character overcomes adversity
Not sure what kind of molding is being done here, but I’d hate to meet the dude who actually lived up to all of these. Are there any more I missed?
– Richard
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From my brother-in-law, Pieter, comes a new one I’d never heard, but immediately loved. It seems as if some coaches are worried about horticulture and the grass on their fields. “Blood makes the grass grow.” Ah, the glories of sport.