A Dude’s Guide

Apparently, at this very moment, I am the most hated person in my house. It’s a heavy burden, but I believe I can represent the pagent. . . Okay, maybe not, especially since there’s no one coming in second clamoring to take my title. My youngest little dude is all of nine years old and full of the huge fun and volatile emotions that implies. When he feels something, he doesn’t act like a teenager and just go all sullen and withdrawn. Oh, no. He lets it all hang out.

So, last night, I asked him to go brush his teeth and head to bed. He just kept playing with the in-law’s dog, which we’re babysitting. I asked him to do it again. Ignored again. So I made him go upstairs and, yes, I admit it, I did rather raise my voice at the little dude. That, of course, is what set him off. He started yelling that he hates me and will never love me and doesn’t want to be around me ever again. And this time he meant it. Yes, he does do this rather often. What was your first clue?

I’ve come to regard this more as a pressure-release mechanism than an actual statement of his long-term feelings for me. I understand he’s getting rid of a lot of emotional energy and the best thing I can do is just go along and assure him that, no matter how he feels about me, I will always love him. I might get angry at him, or not like what he’s doing, but he’ll always be loved. He doesn’t want to hear it right at the moment, but I know it will stick around and bounce inside his head for a while and he will remembr it when it’s time.

I read somewhere that kids tend to do that sort of explosion thing at home because it’s where they feel safe. They can’t really let off like that when they’re at school, because they’re in a whole different environment with different observers. All we, as parents, can do is weather the storm and be there for them when the clouds blow over. And try not to laugh when they tell us they really mean it. “This time!”

– Richard

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