Just about three years ago, I created a meal that, it seems will live in my family forever. Not because it was good, but because the little dudes absolutely hated it. Ask them, any of them, what’s the worst meal they’ve ever had and they’ll all bark out, “Pineapple chicken!” Then, they’ll all go into some version about how everyone hated it and even the cat wouldn’t eat it.
See, unlike my sister who’s a whiz with the slow cooker, I just can’t seem to get the hang of it. In theory, pineapple chicken should have tasted great. In practice, however, well, even the cat wouldn’t eat it. It was awful, and I say that as someone who actually likes hospital cafeteria food. And spam. So, yeah, not anywhere in the vicinity of possibly being anything like good.
Still, the reason why I’m submitting myself to this culinary humiliation is to make a point. And, no, the point is not that slow-cookers are evil (although they are). No, the point is that you can never know just what it is that the little dudes will remember as they grow older. My youngest little dude can’t even remember his bithday from two years ago, but he still remembers pineapple chicken with a clarity and alacrity that would astonish his teachers.
It seems as if my prodigious feats of strength, my vast storehouse of general and esoteric knowledge, my awe-inspiring skillz in all manner of sport, all of these will fade inexorably into the dim mists of time to be forgotten along with last week’s weather. What has been enshrined into family legend, it seems, will be the one time — one time! — I made pineapple chicken. I think this is destined to be the little dude’s version of pumpkin soup. That’s a dish that made us wait until after 10 p.m. one year to eat Thanksgiving dinner. Heck, that was 20 years ago and we still won’t let my aunt forget it. Maybe this is payback? Or maybe it’s just the universe getting a quick laugh at my expense. Yeah, that sounds about right.
– Richard
Tags: A Dude's Guide to Cooking, A Dude's Guide to Cooking, A Dude's Guide to Kids, bad dinner, kids
3 responses so far ↓
1 Meaghan Clark // Sep 2, 2008 at 8:37 am
Richard,
It will make for great stories when everyone is older. They’ll share it with friends and family over dinner one night, so be prepared for a lifetime of humiliation.
We still talk about the Thanksgiving when the turkey slid out of my mom’s hands and across the kitchen floor. My uncle, who had a bit too much wine, tried to help out by sprinkling comet all over the grease. It was beyond disasterous!
2 Richard // Sep 2, 2008 at 11:41 am
Oh, thanks, Meaghan. That’s making me feel so very much better.
3 Leslie de Jong aka "Slow Cook Whiz" // Sep 3, 2008 at 10:24 am
For the record, some of my best slow cook receipes came from you, my dear brother. Alas, pineapple chicken was not one of them!
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