A Dude’s Guide

In fact, I specifically tried to stay as far away from that stuff as possible since it raised the dreaded specter of me having to do actual math that didn’t involve trying to figure out how many cans were in a case. (24, just in case you were, you know, wondering.) And, yet, here I find myself trying to re-learn and actually teach all different kinds of math to my little dudes.

Last year, I had to relearn algebra to help my middle dude not drown in the vile stuff. As soon as I cracked open the book, it all rushed back. Not the knowledge (that got flushed as I left the classroom after my last final exam), but the all-consuming, viceral, heat of a thousand exploding suns hatred of the stuff. (Can you tell I didn’t enjoy math?) Anyway, I managed to keep that hatred in check for the year (an excellent exercise in self control), but the hardest thing I had going on was trying to find a good extra worksheet I could inflict on my poor little dude. Lord knows I didn’t want to make them up myself. That was just asking me to stab myself in the eye with a spoon.

His book was actually on-line, so that was some help. But I needed something more. And now, after he’s already out of algebra and doing well in geometry, I finally found that place. It’s a website run by Discovery Channel, called Discovery Education. It actually generates great worksheets for your, or you can even use worksheets generated by teachers. Why did no one tell me about this place when I could actually use it? Probably just another part of the math conspiracy, designed to make me look foolish.

What do you mean, paranoid?

In all seriousness, this is a great site if you’ve got a young dude or dudette who needs a little extra help in anything from math and science to art and languages.

I’m thinking I might just print off a couple of worksheets to have around the house so I can whip them out as punishment the next time one of my little dudes gets a little lippy. Yep, time to spread around the hate.

– Richard

I don’t believe in karma. Never have. Probably never will. Especially the kind of karma about which John Lennon wrote in 1970; “Instant karma’s gonna get ya.” As I understand karma, it’s something that operates over multiple lifetimes because of reincarnation. However, most Americans, in these days of instant gratification as the only kind of gratification, see karma as something that happens with literal cause and effect in a very short period of time.

In the Hindu religion (and please pardon me if I get this wrong as I’m paraphrasing), karma means act or action. And it is the action you perform that leads to the effect of what happens to you in your next life. Humans, according to this religion, have free will and can choose what will or won’t happen to them. They can choose their cause, which will, in turn, choose the effect.

That being said, however, after talking with my little dudes, I think I’m going to have to change my stance. Sort of. I’m not saying I’ll believe in karma, but I think a little of the thinking behind it is probably a good idea. While I don’t think you should expect good things to happen to you if you do a good deed, I think if you have an open mind to this sort of thing, and look for good things (be they beautiful sights, people being nice or whatever) you’re more likely to find it.

I call it the Odyssey effect. It used to be that I hardly ever saw a Honda Odyssey mini-van. However, now that I have one, I see these mini-vans everywhere I go and every day I drive. It’s as if having one has preconditioned my mind to see them. That’s the sort of karma-lite version I’ll be pushing. I don’t think you can change the actual number of good things that happen to you, but — if you’re on the lookout for them — I think you’ll be more likely to find them.

See, I’ve been told that I can be a somewhat, um, negative person. And I’ll cop to that, but I’m trying to change. If only so my little dudes can have a more pleasant outlook on life.

Man, being nice and sunny isn’t easy. It’s much easier to snarl and expect the worst. But, as JFK said, “We do these things not because they are easy, but because they are hard.”

– Richard

Apparently, at this very moment, I am the most hated person in my house. It’s a heavy burden, but I believe I can represent the pagent. . . Okay, maybe not, especially since there’s no one coming in second clamoring to take my title. My youngest little dude is all of nine years old and full of the huge fun and volatile emotions that implies. When he feels something, he doesn’t act like a teenager and just go all sullen and withdrawn. Oh, no. He lets it all hang out.

So, last night, I asked him to go brush his teeth and head to bed. He just kept playing with the in-law’s dog, which we’re babysitting. I asked him to do it again. Ignored again. So I made him go upstairs and, yes, I admit it, I did rather raise my voice at the little dude. That, of course, is what set him off. He started yelling that he hates me and will never love me and doesn’t want to be around me ever again. And this time he meant it. Yes, he does do this rather often. What was your first clue?

I’ve come to regard this more as a pressure-release mechanism than an actual statement of his long-term feelings for me. I understand he’s getting rid of a lot of emotional energy and the best thing I can do is just go along and assure him that, no matter how he feels about me, I will always love him. I might get angry at him, or not like what he’s doing, but he’ll always be loved. He doesn’t want to hear it right at the moment, but I know it will stick around and bounce inside his head for a while and he will remembr it when it’s time.

I read somewhere that kids tend to do that sort of explosion thing at home because it’s where they feel safe. They can’t really let off like that when they’re at school, because they’re in a whole different environment with different observers. All we, as parents, can do is weather the storm and be there for them when the clouds blow over. And try not to laugh when they tell us they really mean it. “This time!”

– Richard